HP: Infinite

MP: Unmeasurable

Special moves:

Really annoying face
Not at all impressed by any one thing in particular

Magic spells:

Innate ability to judge distance between two moving pigs trivia smash
Straight to video plummeting axe-swipe
Photograph a rock then sprint eight miles away giggle flop
Crusty lid yank
Nozzle-nozzle, I got noz-noz
I've gone home to disappoint you more skip
Shut up

Only known weakness:

Money